Let Me Apologize

Dear Doctor,

Let me apologize.  I did not mean to bother you when I looked up my test results on-line, as all of the hospital system literature, and you yourself, have told me to do.  I didn’t mean to upset you when I asked you why you were okay with my levels being below therapeutic levels, since you never mentioned in my appointment 3 days before that was what you wanted to see, expected to see.

It was also not my intention to bother you by calling your office too often.  I’m just fighting for my life.  I’m just a mom with three little girls who would like to beat the Bipolar back enough to live to see them grow up.  I am just a mom wanting to see who my children will become.  I am just a mom fighting three months of depression.  I’m just a mom who is weary in the battle.  I am just looking for help.  I am just a mom who packed her bag last week to check herself into the hospital for help knowing full well I may miss Christmas with my family.  I’m just a mom willing to miss one Christmas so I can be here for the next one and hopefully many after that.

I ask a lot of questions.  That’s who I am.  I want to understand what medications I am taking and why.  And for every one I think to ask during my 15 minute appointment, my husband has twice that many for me when I get home.  It is not my intention to question your authority, just to know what is being doing to my body with all these medications.

I’m sorry that you don’t feel like I trust you.  We’ve known each other two months.  I am having a hard time with any relationship, including this one, during this long, complicated depressive episode. So, no, I don’t trust you just yet.  I can only remedy that by asking a lot of questions and it would really help if I saw some results and wasn’t chastised for being inquisitive.

I’m sorry to end your day on a sour note, having to talk to me, but I am fighting for this Christmas and many after it.

I’ll try not to bother you too much, but for the ability to stay here for these girls, I will call as many times, and as often as I need to.

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Your scared and frustrated patient.

Survive til you Thrive!

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