The Complexity of Loss and Families

I grew up about 5 hours from where I now live.  This sometimes makes trips to see family difficult.  It seems like it should be so simple, but it’s not.  Yes, it is close enough to do the drive up in less than a day, but also far enough away to take a good chunk of a week in order to make the travel time worth it.  Now that I write that, it sounds kind of stupid, I should probably stop being so selfish and just make the trip…but I don’t.  There are always commitments or appointments.  There is always something.

That whole thought process is complicated enough.  It gets even more complicated when I have biological family members I have not seen in over a decade, that my children, and possibly hubby, have never met.  How do I explain to my family that we need to drop everything and make a trip up north to see other family members they didn’t even know existed?

In the past, I have just shoved down my thoughts and feelings and didn’t make the trip…yet again.  And felt guilt and confusion over the entire situation.

All of this came back up this week.  A great aunt of mine passed away on Tuesday.  She is on my biological fathers’ side, so again, we haven’t had much interaction with her in a long time.

But at one time, she and I were pretty close.  My mom, step-dad and I went to church with her and her family for several years (kind of odd I know, but we lived in a small town).  I have many fond memories of her from those years.  She was very loving and sweet to myself, and so many.

Yet, while I have thought of her many times over the years, I have not spoken of her much, so again, how do I explain to my hubby and girls that I need to make a five-hour trip to go to a funeral of someone they have never known?

Once again, I will package all these thoughts and put them mentally on the shelf, never saying a word about wanting to go to her funeral.  And wonder again how life gets so complicated and how to balance it properly.



Survive til you Thrive!

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