Monthly Archives: September 2017

A Running Recap

Posted on September 18, 2017 | 3 comments

This last week has been all about THE HALF MARATHON!!!!! I signed up for this race back at the end of November. Since then I have talked, trained, and planned for September 17.

And, after all that…the weekend arrived. Hubby and I headed for a fundraising dinner cruise…great price and great cause…

And it was time for flat runner Charity!

Hubby’s alarm went off at 4. I rolled over and told him to “shut that thing off.” That was not an option when my alarm went off at 5. I yelled and fretted, but we got to the race start in plenty of time.

The first half of the race was decent. I finished the first loop in good time. Still smiling.

I’m pretty sure I quit smiling after this.

The girls made me posters to cheer while I ran.

It got way hotter, I dipped into my nutrition gummies and accepted the water at each spot. I quit smiling.

I may have cried more than once. I used up a little strength to text hubby “I can’t.” It got hard guys. Really, really hard. Beyond hard. Unspeakably hard. I cried. I seriously considered sitting down on the curb in the last mile and just waiting for someone to come get me…but I had come this far…I just couldn’t quit knowing how far I had come.

A few strides, if you could call them that, I heard my hubby whistling and cheering from around the bend.

My Caitlyn came up and ran me the last few feet up to the finish line as I sobbed uncontrollably.

After the race I felt so horrible, I hardly noticed someone hand me my medal.

But I did hear the announcer say “Good job mom, way to be an example for your kids. Kids, pay attention to how strong your mom is and what she did.”

Beyond that, yesterday afternoon and evening was miserable, not what I expected at all. I am used to feeling amazing after a race–feeling like I could conquer the world. This time, my hubby had to catch me several times as I threatened to fall over on the way to the car.

It was hard, y’all.

But today, today is better. I have enjoyed sharing pictures and I might have interrupted the girls’ schooling at one point to yell, “I DID IT. I RAN 13.1 MILES!!! I PLANNED TO DO IT, I TRAINED TO DO IT, AND I DID IT!!!!!!”

Today, I walked while Sue was in dance class and thought about getting back to running later this week and get myself back to training for something. Another half, not at this point, nope. But I have a 5k coming up and I love 10ks, so we’ll see.

And today, I can whisper–“it was worth it.”

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Posted in Half Marathon, running

Sometimes It’s About the Stubborn

Posted on September 15, 2017 | Leave a comment

This last weekend we had an amazing time at Sue’s callbacks for her casting in the next play, James and the Giant Peach.

She can sing, she can dance!! I wish I had video of her dancing. She does it so well, but that was in a room sans audience.

My little Sue has spunk and talent. I could not be more proud of her. I am very sad to type that she did not get a named role as we had hoped, but she is already working very hard on her audition piece for the next production–A Christmas Carol.

She amazes me every day.

As I watched her this week I realized she has something I don’t have…talent. The things I have done, or do, are out of sheer stubbornness. Not because of talent. I am thinking talent might make things easier, but stubbornness works out pretty good too. I have pulled off a lot of things due to being very stubborn, and the grace of God. And Sunday, it is time for another one. It is time for my half marathon. That is a long 13.1 miles.

I’ve run the distance once to make sure I could. The first 9 miles were decently comfortable. And then came the rest. I truly ran them because I said I would. I had told people I was going to run 13.1 miles, not 9, so I just had to keep going. And this quote I had read on-line helped me keep pushing.

So here’s to Sunday and running with my legs, my feet, and my heart. Whatever gets me to 13.1!!

Running With My Thoughts

Posted on September 8, 2017 | 1 comment

I run with my feet and I run with my thoughts. I enjoy the running with my feet. The running with my thoughts, not so much. It gets me into trouble. Thinking ahead too much feeds my depression, anxiety, and mania all in turn. It brings up things that I’d rather not remember, it robs me of sleep I’d much rather have.

And it has me puzzling over problems I just don’t know how to solve.

This week it brought up one of those issues.

I began training for a half marathon on December 29th of last year. Said race is now just 9 days away!!! Single digits. Wow. Preparation for this race has consumed me. And

Preparation for this race has consumed me. And gotten me through some rough stretches with the bipolar. It has given me the coping mechanisms I needed to tolerate depression that sought to overcome me. It has focused my brain when anxiety and hypomania tried to tear me asunder. Running is hands down, or is that feet down, the most effective coping tool I have when it comes to the bipolar disorder.

My practice run to make sure I can run 13.1 miles. Guess I can.

Thing is…what happens when I am finished? What happens when the post race high crashes? What happens?

Yes, yes, I know I can keep running. And I will. I know I can sign up for other races. Believe me, I will. But there is this thing. This very real thing. The post race high. And it crashes. And crashes are hard on anybody, but especially on me. I have a horrible time dealing with them. Horrible. The mass of emotions colliding is so hard to sort out and I immediately assume it is just going to get worse and worse. And that I won’t survive the collision of thoughts and emotions.

This time I am a little extra concerned. I have been thinking, planning, dreaming of this race for so long. Years, really. I originally trained for a half marathon when Patrice was a baby but had to quit due to issues with my medications…so really, this is a 5-year dream. And here it is, 9 days away. And my body will probably need a break from running for a few days afterward. I also don’t see my body withstanding a full marathon (26.2 miles), so what is the next goal? Where do I go from here?

I just don’t know.

I have no answers.

So, tomorrow I will lace up my shoes for my last long run before my half-marathon. I’ll schedule a couple short, easy runs during the week and the rest of my running will be running kids around to cross country practice, dance, gymnastics, church, and then lace up for my big day, my half-marathon on September 17.

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Posted in Bipolar Disorder, running

School is Just Around the Corner

Posted on September 2, 2017 | Leave a comment

In case you have been living under a rock…I am here to tell you that school has either started or is just about to start. Yup. Really.

And this means, in the homeschooling world, we have been seeing tons of pictures of people’s homeschooling rooms and areas.

We don’t really have one. We kind of just school where we land. Math is done on the computer. Writing is done on a TV tray in the living room–no, the tv is not on. Spelling is done on the iPad. Well, Caitlyn’s is, but I am trying something new with Sue and Patrice this year. Bible is done with iPad and walking around (memorization is easier when movement is included). Reading is done either with me or tucked in a comfortable spot. Grammar, Explode the Code, and the Michigan lapbook are done at the kitchen table. We are adding some new classes this year…we’ll see how they shake out.

All that aside, Caitlyn saw some of these posts of people’s school rooms and she wanted to share ours. We may not have a room, but there is no denying that we school at home.