Monthly Archives: December 2017

We Rang In Christmas

Well, our New Year’s Eve is going to be even quieter than planned.  Two of the three kids are sick.  So, I will look back at how we rang in Christmas.

We were chilled to the bone and it was totally dark out when we got done, but we had a great time (really, the kid sitting there was having fun) singing, dancing, ringing bells and telling people Merry Christmas for our 2 hours!

 

 

The Shirt I Don’t Deserve

An amazing friend helped me out when she accidentally gave me a gift I needed. The scale has been a jerk for a year plus. Despite my sometimes good efforts and sometimes blah efforts. Even with my best efforts, the dang scale has been going up lately. We are tweaking meds, etc, but we’ll see…sigh.

And I have been frustrated and freaking jealous of people seeing results as they change their diet and exercise.  So jealous.  To the point of tears.

And today.

(my daughter swears this picture is clear, but it looks blurry to me…Guess I don’t pay my photographer enough)

Let me digress just a bit. A year ago, my husband noticed a trend in my resting heart rate. It was tanking. It had always been around 70 and all the sudden it was consistently in the upper 40s, low 50s. There was some panic. I went to a cardiologist. He did a full battery of tests and declared my heart VERY healthy and said I was not only cleared to run, but that I would likely see my heart rate continue to lower as my fitness improved.

In the past year, I have continued to run quite faithfully, even doing my first half marathon back in September.

And a new trend has shown up…my resting heart rate is a new solid 40. Just as he said it would, it has gone down even further.

Today I was even turned away from giving blood because my heart rate is too low. In essence, my heart is too healthy.

For the first time in my life, part of me is really, really healthy. And I am doing the work to get it there. That beats a number on the scale any day.

I Feel Like Crap

I feel like crap…and that’s pretty much a good thing.

You see, when I am in the depths of depression or heights of mania, I don’t really notice the side effects from my meds and am resigned to whatever health issues I have; I just don’t have the energy to care about them.  But right now, things have been stable for a while (hallelujah) and those side effects and health things are making me crazy.  I want answers or I want them to go away.

My stomach issues feel like they are out of control.  Eating low FODMAP helps some, but is not sustainable.  It is too restrictive and not intended for for long-term nutrition.  And yet, here I am, unable to comfortably add foods back in for more than a handful of days.  And now, the issues seem to be spreading–sweets are a no-no, eating a normal size meal is a no-no, fats in the food seem to be a no-no.  I swear, instead of getting better, things are getting worse.

In spite of all this, and  exercising, I am gaining weight.  Big fat boo.  And way dizzier than I should be.

Sigh.

I never used to understand why people would go off their meds.  Honestly, I was so happy with the relief from the depression and mania, I was willing to suffer anything.  Now that I have that relief, I get it.  I really get it.

I want both.  To feel good mentally and physically.

Toward this end, I am keeping a food journal to take to my family doctor to see where we head next and I am going to talk to my psych in a couple weeks.

I am going to fight for both.

In the meantime, I am very, very thankful the Bipolar is stable right not.  Very thankful.  It is such a gift after years and years of not being stable.  I couldn’t be happier about that.  It is just now time to work on the physical and see how great things can really be!!