I am not the most sure-footed person. My vision and some health history make me feel pretty unsteady at times. I am not a fan of stairs. I don’t walk on rocks if I can help it. Striding on sand is not my thing. I am slow and careful.
Except in my faith. I have always had a home in the church since I first started attending at age 4. I jumped right into the Christian subculture. I went to Christian schools for part of my growing up and for college. I went to purity conferences and Christian concerts as a teen. Church camp from age 9-16. Went back as a counselor in college for a couple of years. I even traveled with a Christian music group as their interpreter for the Deaf after college.
What I am trying to communicate is, I wasn’t just a Christian, it was my culture, how I voted, and how I viewed the world.
It is still how I view the world. I am first and foremost a Christian.
But somehow I left the culture. I left that world.
I still attend church and I still love to tell people about Jesus. I am still a Christian who homeschools my girls.
And yet, I am not at home in the culture.
By and large, if people in the community knew how I voted I am afraid I would be looked down upon. Don’t get me wrong, I am not necessarily quiet about my views so many know, and most who do still love me, but I keep quiet a lot in order to keep the peace. My poor husband and kids get an earful but I really do bite my tongue.
It is hurting me.
I want to scream, if you disagree so much with someone for their life and choices that you villify them, how will they believe you if you say Jesus loves them?
https://www.bible.com/bible/59/1JN.4.ESV
If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. I John 4:20.
One version of the Bible implied this only meant other Christians but I disagree that is what was meant here. If you want to really speak into someone’s life, you must sometimes say hard things, you sometimes challenge someone. Who do we accept this kind of talk from? Someone we don’t know? No. Someone who we know dislikes or disapproves of us? Surely not. Like never. Does that mean I have to agree with everything someone says in order to talk about Jesus, no, but it is highly likely that if I decide to talk about Jesus, I better have chosen to be authentic, loving, and involved beforehand.
Does this mean I am only loving and nice if I want to talk about Jesus? No. That’s not authentic or invested either. I should be loving and nice regardless.
Honestly, I can only take care of my own behaviors regardless of what I think someone else should be or do. My job is me.
Unfortunately, some of those claiming to follow the same Jesus I do make it hard to walk in peace. I spend more time explaining the hatred away that those I want to talk about Jesus with see than I do talking about the truth of Jesus. And I am tired of it.
And I am out of step with so much of what I used to think it meant to be a Christian. And that leaves me feeling like I am walking down a set of stairs to the rocks below and right into the sand…uncomfortable and unsteady.
I don’t like it.
I find myself less and less interested in hanging out with other Christians. I told my hubby that and he said, “But what about all the swear words and the foul language?” Right now I would rather deal with that.
I would rather sit with the sinners than the saints.
