Category Archives: Caitlyn

Shut It Down

So I had planned to shut down this blog but I can’t figure out how to print it all and I don’t want to lose everything which brings me to–I guess I better get writing to justify its existence.

I’ll start by writing about something that brings me great joy–reading. Not mine, but my girls’.

I love to read. My mother loves to read. My grandmother loved to read. I always assumed my daughters would love to read…alas, it did not seem that was going to be the case. Once, my mother even yelled across a family, “didn’t you think you would raise at least ONE reader?” I felt this criticism deeply and was so embarrassed I had not…, particularly as a homeschooler. But alas, Caitlyn only loved to read to learn things, i.e. Pinterest or other websites. Sue loved Graphic Novels and Patrice, well, she saw reading as an extension of school and was not a big fan. I, as a book snob, did not see graphic novels, or even audiobooks, as real reading thus I was left with no readers.

Then, last summer, something changed, Caitlyn decided to volunteer at the local library. She goes every Thursday afternoon for two hours.

Caitlyn helping at the library fair last summer

I hoped, but thought it was ridiculous to consider, that she would fall in love with reading somehow while she was at the library…AND SHE DID! She discovered there were a lot more books out there than what mommy had chosen over the years.

Now, in my defense, she has chosen some of the genre I used to buy for her but they are a little more grown-up than I chose. But now she reads lots of things. Authors and titles I never would have thoughts. She and her friends give books as gifts and hang out at bookstores! I am still thrilled and in awe. I am sure I make her crazy because I keep commenting on it. I try not to but…I try.

Another thing happened that has helped my perspective–a year or so ago, maybe longer, I discovered audiobooks. I just don’t have all the time to read that I would like but with an audiobook I can run and “read”–it is wonderful. And this past summer, I discovered graphic novels! I thought they were just that, novels–basically comic books, but turns out you can find biographies, history, all sorts of things–I have two on hold at the library right now–which makes me a lot more accepting of what Sue, and sometimes Patrice, like to read.

I guess mom’s can use an education and an attitude adjustment!

Don’t mind me, I’m just over here giddy as I see my kids reading all different genres and formats!

The Year of the Ox

I just went running into my daughters’ room to tell them the one phrase I know in Chinese–Happy New Year. You see, years ago I was engaged to a guy who’s maternal grandparents were originally from China. The relationship with him was a total bust (whew) but I adored his grandmother and I learned how to say Happy New Year.

Man, his family was good to me–but I digress.

Fast forward many years to 2012. Caitlyn and Sue were enrolled at the local elementary school. The school had asked families to unplug for the week. I failed miserably, but the school also sent home some activity ideas. It was this time of year and it was Chinese New Year so I made my first attempt at making Chinese food. I don’t remember the food at all but a tradition was born.

Every year we do our best to make Chinese food for the Lunar New Year.

Caitlyn chose her recipes, I bought the ingredients. She cooked for hours to make us spring rolls, dumplings, and wonton soup. I made beef broccoli (pretty sure that is not authentic but we like it…). Patrice was her assistant in this process. She used carrots and purple cabbage to make the dumplings orange and purple. Making fortune cookies failed us, per usual, but it was fun. Caitlyn wrote little fortunes. Mine was, “You will give Caitlyn money soon”, daddy got, “don’t tell anyone, but I poisoned your food” and Patrice got, “Did you thank Caitlyn for this wonderful food?” Sue also gets to give Caitlyn money…since the cookies failed, I taped everyone’s fortune to a piece of candy.

It was really good and as Caitlyn said, “well, it kept me off my phone all afternoon.” Maybe the school did accomplish something all those years ago… 😉

School Year

Where did this year go?  I swear it started yesterday but here we are…starting our last week on Monday!!

I am ready.

The girls are ready.

Frazier is probably even ready.

I am sure the turtle is ready.

Did we get it all done?  Heck no!!!

But Sue did an amazing job with reading.  She read so many books!  She read things like Bridge to Terabethia, Paddington Bear, Island of the Blue Dolphin, Refugee, some Dork Diaries books, some Who Was biographies, Anne of Green Gables, Across Five Aprils.  A lot.

Ukranian eggs were decorated.

Ice skating was discovered.

Dissections were done (grasshopper and squid).

Syrian foods were eaten.

Math was done–each of the girls completed a level and started the next!!

Random schoolwork was done.

A good year was had…

 

 

Motherhood Summed Up

Today, Caitlyn and I tried making our first Syrian food on our own.  We made sambousak.  The variation we made is Spanish cheese wrapped in phyllo dough and fried in zayt (olive oil).  I did some of the frying–Caitlyn did all the rest.  We realized part way through that the oil needed to be hotter…that made her nervous, actually made me nervous too, but I had to be the mom and be brave.

It brought to mind a story that pretty much encapsulates much of motherhood for me.

When I was about Caitlyn’s age, 12, I had to swallow a whole lot of fear to help someone else.

We heated our house with wood when I was growing up.  We had two wood stoves on the main floor of the house and a wood burning furnace in the basement.  Putting wood in them scared the crud out of me.  I was terrified of the flames.  Then, in the dead of winter my mom got really sick from an allergic reaction.  In my young mind, I was afraid she was going to die.  I did everything I could think of to take care of her.  I got worried she would get cold so I gathered up all my courage and learned to put wood in the furnace.  I did it time and time again.  I can’t even tell you it got easier, but I learned I could do what had to be done.

That, to me, is a lot of what motherhood is.  Seeing the fear, feeling the fear, and doing it anyway.

The results aren’t always pretty, but it gets done.  One fire at a time.

Not Just Words

It is incredible how much we say in a day…print media, broadcast media, social media…it is all focussed on one thing–what we have to say.

Do we mean what we say or are they just words?

When Caitlyn was little and learning how to say words, she picked up the phrase oh my gosh.  We as a family do not say oh my G-d, to borrow a way of writing it from a friend because even typing that phrase hurts me.  We believe using the name of God in this phrase goes against scripture where it says in the old testament, Exodus 20, verse 7, among others, you shall not take the Lord thy God’s name in vain.  So as a weak substitute, we say oh my gosh, but in her young speech you couldn’t really hear the distinction, so we banned the phrase altogether.

Time has passed and we have let oh my gosh slip back into our speech…and as I write this, I realize we need to change that.  God, my Heavenly Father, deserves more than just changing a d to a sh.

We’ve been working on this a bit anyway as Sue talks so fast it is almost impossible to hear if she is saying d or sh.

Well, that wasn’t what I meant to write about…

Anyway, in a conversation with a friend tonight, I said, “I’ve been praying about it.”  And I wondered if she knows that I have been or might that sound like just words.

They aren’t just words to me.  Ever.  But especially not right now.

I have always loved to pray.  Since I was a little girl.  I believe in prayer.  I know God hears us.  And I know He answers according to His will.  For decades, I have known the Lord has a strong desire on me to pray.  But prayer is daunting.  How do I start?  How do I keep my mind from wandering?  How do I not fall asleep?  Will any of my prayers get answered?

Years ago, I read a book, Intercessory Prayer,  by Dutch Sheets. * Parts of it I found outside of the teaching I have heard in the church, but none of it evil, so I reread the book recently.  And then another of his, and another.  Now I have branched into other authors.  And actually spent time praying.  I love it just as much as I have always said I do.  There is a connection with God that is comforting and challenging.  A desire to see if that close feeling continues if I keep praying or if it is a passing fancy.  I find it to be consistently, over the years, always feeling like I am home, where I belong when I pray.

So, next time you talk to me or read me say that I am praying for you or that situation, rest assured it is true, very, very true.

*Please note I just found this website as I was writing this post.  I have not studied it and including it here is not stating that I agree with his ministry 100%.  As I read, I will decide that, but I thought it was worthwhile to include this link.

 

 

Running with the Girls

Saturday I modified my half marathon training to run a 5k with Caitlyn and Sue.  We ran the Mind Over Matter 5k to raise money and awareness to fight suicide.

It is a lovely course and incredibly important cause.

I was so proud to run with my girls.

We worked hard and all made it to the finish.  This race is one we will always have on the schedule.

Most of the time I run just for me.  Saturday we ran for others.

Training Again

Today I ran twice.   I am training for a half marathon (13.1 miles) on May 20.  Caitlyn and Sue are logging miles for a Martian Marathon April 14.  We all needed to get some running in today.

The Martian Marathon is specifically for kids.  Each logs 25 miles before race day and then runs 1.2 miles with their group to each complete 26.2 miles or the distance of a full marathon.

Caitlyn and Sue did it last year for the first time.

I ran with each of them today (I don’t want them out there alone just yet–crossing roads and such–even if they are just side roads).

Both of my runs together only equaled 5 miles–but I got faster with each run.  I have always found after mile two I get faster and hit my groove.  Every mile I ran was faster than the one before.

This week has had some good mileage in it.  I ran to the library and back on Tuesday–6 miles in the rain, around in circles on Wednesday–3 miles, no rain, and 5 miles today with my girls–no rain.  The schedule calls for 10 miles tomorrow, but 8 or 9 is more likely…

Here are some recent pictures.

A treadmill run

Glad to be running outside again

Truth

 

Happy New Year!!

Back in the day…before hubby…there was this guy.  We made it as far as engagement…and then he dumped me via text message.  Cool, huh?  We’ll skip all the messy details and go with, it was all for the best and I learned how to say hello and Happy New Year in Chinese from the whole situation.

And today is the day I get to use that knowledge!

It is the beginning of the year of the Dog.

Caitlyn made Wonton Soup (so yummy).  I made beef broccoli (in the Instant Pot).  Sue, Patrice, and Caitlyn made a dragon. Sue and Patrice wore their outfits that grandma gave the girls years ago.

Fun was had!!!

GUNG HAY FAA CHOY!!!!

 

Another Glimpse

I don’t think this is the first time, but I thought a glimpse into the hypomania side of bipolar disorder might be an okay idea today.

But first, check out this cute.

My girls are so beautiful and I am so proud of them.  They keep me moving literally, mentally, and emotionally.

And lately, I have been moving…non-stop.  It started with just busyness.  Sue was finishing up practices and launching into performances for Seussical.  It was phenomenal.

But it’s done–thing is, I can’t stop keep moving.  Yes, life is busy, but I should be capable of slowing down, of stopping.  I’m not.  Having open time fills me with overwhelming panic and dread, like everything is going to fall apart if I stop for one single minute.

On the upside, there is always a lot to be done.  Even hypomania can’t get me on top of all of it, but I am using it as much as possible.

Today included planning and organizing for the upcoming school year, laundry, and a million other little things.

This has been going on for weeks, which is not normal for me, and my thinking is starting to get much harder to control, my anger at things is out of proportion, I am over thinking EVERYTHING, so on and so forth.

Monday, it was time to call the doctor, so I did.  He upped a med and I am headed to his office tomorrow.

I know it will get sorted out.  Hypomania has always been a strange bedfellow for me, but one that can be helped.  I know help is coming.

Sugar Butts

I am the potty mouth in this house.  My hubby never, ever swears…well, okay, he did when the camper flipped over and he was trying to control the car…but that doesn’t count, does it?

So, when someone gets in trouble for saying a “bad” word in this house, mommy is to blame.  Sigh.

Today, Caitlyn and Sue were working on putting together some projects they received for Christmas.  Caitlyn started her catapult yesterday and teased Frazier today by launching pieces of burnt bacon.

Sue started her robot today and was having a hard time finding one of the pieces–“damn!”

“Mommy, Sue said damn.”

Sigh…time to head to their room for a chat.

“Sue, you can’t say damn.” “But I can’t find the piece I need.”  ”

“But I can’t find the piece I need.”  ”

“I know, but you can’t say that word even though mommy does.  Say, um, ‘sugar butts’ like daddy does.  Or dude.  That’s the one I like.  You can say it with emphasis.  DUDE!!!”

Insert eye roll and a big, heavy sigh.

A few minutes later she is still searching for the piece, looks over at Caitlyn and mutters, “sugar butts!!”

My work here is done.

I’ve had a couple “sugar butts” kind of days lately.  It has been raining.  I have not been running.  I am coming off two medications due to side effects.  I am recommitting myself to eat low FODMAP to control some health issues that are obnoxious and kind of hard to control.  And there is still homeschooling and its duties, May has a couple super social days in it, and another birthday for me.

Sigh and a big helping of “sugar butts.”

What is your safe word to say around kids or that your kids are allowed to say?  If you don’t have one, go ahead and have ours.  We’ll share!