Category Archives: random thoughts

Giving Credit

Posted on April 27, 2015 | 2 comments

“I didn’t do anything all day.”

“What happened to my day.”

“How is it already bedtime?”

These thoughts ran through my head yesterday. I felt like I had spun my wheels all day. I knew I had been doing stuff, I just didn’t see any progress. Where had my effort and time gone?

So I decided to list it out. And I found I had done quite a bit.

went to church

cleaned the kitchen to get ready for school on Monday. That is always a big job on Sunday as breakfast is a bigger deal and there is no time to clean up before church.

helped three little girls get their verses for Bible club ready. That included 5 verses for just one of them!!

wrote lesson plans for Monday.

clocked a route for a 6 1/2 mile run and walked a little over 4 miles of it.

got dinner around.

called the doctor to get a script for pink eye (poor Patrice).

picked up said prescription and then administered it.

fell into bed when it was all done…

Thinking about everything I did was a good exercise for me. I would suggest you do the same thing. Go through and write everything you have done when you can’t figure out what you’ve done. I bet your list will impress even you!!!!

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Posted in random thoughts

Note To Self

Posted on April 25, 2015 | 6 comments

Note to self:

it takes two days to overcome a missed dose of medication

there is such a thing as a Watusi. I have always called rear ends watusis, but turns out it is a breed of cattle with huge horns.

Alpacas will not defecate where they sleep

albino peacocks look amazing

you can take a bus full of kids to a petting farm with an amazing array of animals and the kids will be most interested in the run-of-the-mill barn cat

reading a book about running is not nearly as cathartic as a good run, but this book is full of info and encouragement that I am soaking in.

(Thanks Jenny for the recommendation)

my daughter rocks. She said/did 16 sections in her AWANA book today that included activities and memorization

an HD antennae brings in a lot of channels in our area. Including one that airs Murder She Wrote. Caitlyn and I watched a couple episodes last night and she said, “I’ve been so glad to see a commercial!” I guess going cable free has been more traumatic than I thought. 🙂

I love praying for people. I really, really do.

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Posted in random thoughts

Sillies

Posted on March 24, 2015 | 1 comment

WHERE I’M FROM

I am Tabletop, from Windex and Pledge.

I am from the smelly Mitten.

I am from the lilac, the butterfly garden.

I am from being cheap and blue eyes, from Bernetta and Arlene and Smith.

I am from the on-time and church going.

From you don’t sound like your sorry and don’t watch me work.

I am from Free Methodist and attended such college.

I’m from Swedish Kansas fruit salad with chocolate and bread dip.

From the blondes, the and the shorts.

I am from upstairs, my mother’s house, my grandma’s house, and my aunt’s house.

This “Where I’m From” writing template was found here, but I believe this may be the original author.

Grab the template and fill in the blanks to make your own silly poem.

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Here I Sit

Posted on February 17, 2015 | 1 comment

I keep opening my blog to share a bit of my life with you. Day after day I open it.

No words appear, either in my head or on the paper.

The girls and I are almost done with our study on Pandas. I am hoping to have that finished up today.

Then it is on to the human body. I gave Caitlyn a skeleton for Christmas that has squishy organs inside of it, so I think it is high time we use it for school. Okay, so I really bought it for school but put her name on the tag when I wrapped it for Christmas. I have studies on the skeleton, the eyes, the brain, ear, blood, heart, hair and voice. We will be studying the human body for a number of weeks.

I’m sorry, I’ve lost my train of thought again.

Currently, I am editing a piece I previously wrote on my blog for my Listen To Your Mother audition on Saturday. Listen To Your Mother, or LTYM, is a nationwide project with shows in several cities featuring readings by bloggers on some aspect of motherhood; being a mother, having a mother, knowing a mother. Motherhood. I auditioned last year and didn’t make it. I went to the show in our area because a dear friend of mine did make it. As I sat there, I understood why I hadn’t made it. Most of the pieces that were read had a bit of an edge to them and the language was often times a little harsh, whereas I had auditioned with one of those cutsie motherhood pieces. It really did not fit into the show. This year I am delving into the Bipolar. It is a bit of a dark piece. Maybe that will fit better, or maybe this year they will go for the cutsie stuff. Time will tell.

My mind is blank again.

This kept happening yesterday when I was writing my friend in Bangladesh. I have no idea how many times I walked away from that letter to try and gather my thoughts. I feel bad for my friend because I am afraid it makes little sense. At least there is a care package with it.

I think these blanks are coming from the depression. I started to slide back into the pit on Saturday. Things have been rough. Last night the girls had swim lessons and I am so glad hubby could take them. I don’t think I could have forced myself out of the house. I was so desperate to avoid people. I even needed to avoid my family. I went to bed very shortly after they got home. I tried to work on my loom knitting. I wish the judge who will decide my disability could have seen me–sitting in my bed at 8 pm, flinching when my daughter put her head on my shoulder, then curling up in a ball rocking back and forth because I could not remember, for the life of me, how to do my knitting that I have been doing for quite awhile now.

I’m scared of the pit. I haven’t had time to recover from the last depression. Thankfully I have a group of women in my life that get it and will be there when I am screaming and crying that I can’t do this. Going round after round with the Bipolar is beyond wearing.

But here I go, into the pit, to fight another round.

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Posted in Bangladesh, Bipolar Disorder, random thoughts

What To Do This Month

Posted on February 10, 2015 | 3 comments

Every month comes with a million tasks, doesn’t it? Some fun. Some blah. Some short-term. Some long-term.

Here’s what I think this month holds:

Begin training for the 5k I signed up to run in March. I recently ran 5k on the treadmill so I know I can do it, I just need to keep up with it.
Simultaneously begin training for the half marathon I agreed to do in October. Tonight is run number 1, one mile. In phase one of training (8 weeks) includes running 94 miles. That right there y’all, is crazy talk. If all this running around doesn’t get some pounds off me, then there really is no hope. Don’t mind the lump in my shirt from my fitbit. Where I go, it goes. Gotta count every last step.
Choose my piece for Listen to Your Mother.
Edit said piece.
Audition with said piece.
Try to actually comprehend and implement meal planning to trim the grocery bill.

Of all those things, number 6 has me the most confused. I have asked people questions until we are all going crazy, but I just don’t get it. But then, here I am today with no idea for dinner at all. None. Last night we had spectacular twice baked potatoes casserole (if I oh, so humbly, say so myself). Tonight? I got nothing. Hmmm.

I have one pkg of hamburger, one package of ground turkey, one package of pork cutlets, and one package of bone-in chicken breasts. I’ll take any and all suggestions. I am out of shake-in-bake, otherwise this would be a simple situation…

Linking up with

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Posted in exercise, random thoughts

I Shake My Head

Posted on January 16, 2015 | 1 comment

Have I mentioned that I live with Bipolar Disorder? And that the last few months were bad? Super bad? Insanely bad?

Well I do and they were.

I survived, the last few days have been nice, really nice. I can breathe in and out, I can function. I want to live.

I got through it with a lot of different coping mechanisms. The main one being the treadmill. I was on it several times a day almost every day.

Now? I don’t want to go anywhere near it. I haven’t set foot on it in over a week. It’s not like the treadmill caused the depression, so why don’t I want to walk down there on it?

I also did a ton of loom knitting, making 5 hats in the last month to get through. The rhythm and accomplishment of making hat after hat made the hours I spent hiding from the world seem acceptable–okay.

How many hats have I worked on this week? None. Not one stitch. My hands are itching to, but when it comes to actually picking it up–nope.

There’s a literal barrier there. It is as real as any moment of the depression. My mind and body say no, don’t you dare go there.

So I hold off, waiting, hoping the feeling lifts, without the depression returning.

I really like making hats!

Do you have anything you avoid when in depression or out of depression? Do you know why? Or am I just totally nuts? 😉

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Posted in Bipolar Disorder, random thoughts

Half Empty

Posted on January 12, 2015 | Leave a comment

I walked into see the movie Selma last night white, alone, and clueless. I went two hours before to buy my ticket to make sure I got one–I was so afraid the showing I could attend would be sold out.

My mouth hung open a bit at how empty the theater was when I got there. It ended up maybe half full. Maybe.

I had taken a big step, one I never imagined I would in order to be there–I had come alone. I am not by any means a movie buff. I rarely want to go to a theater and I have never, at age 39, gone to a movie alone.

I went in with little knowledge of what I would see and left feeling very small that Martin Luther King, Jr. had changed a nation by the time he was 39 and here I had been proud at the fact that I was at the movie alone–at the same age.

Selma is the telling of a portion of the Civil Rights movement from the time Martin Luther King, Jr. won the Nobel Peace Prize until people of all races got the right to vote unencumbered in the United States of America.

It was told with stark reality and honesty.

I felt a myriad of emotions. Anger, lots of anger at the ignorance of those who wanted to withhold rights from others, sadness at the pain and death involved, joy as progress was made, and frustration that more people were not there to see this film.

Director Ava DuVernay did an amazing job telling the story with both strength and emotion. She went at it not just for or from the male perspective but also with the female voice.

“It was vital that they be included in this narrative. There was no other way I could be involved if they weren’t,”–Ava DuVernay on MSNBC.

Vital is right. They give a story that is about life, even more life. Her additions of the many strong women involved gives the fabric of the movie depth and movement.

I am by no means a movie critic, but I believe this movie to be the best I have ever seen, right up there with Schindler’s List of the 90s. It needs to be seen. By more than just the four white people in the theater I sat in last night, by more than just the half theater of people who came out last night. It needs to be seen. By the ticket taker at the movie counter (I told her just that), by the teens old enough to handle the level of reality, and every adult who can possibly get to the theater.

*Yes, there is some language and a time or two it is jarring, but I do not find it inappropriate or offensive.

Giving the World

Posted on January 7, 2015 | Leave a comment

Hubby and I went to Disney World for our honeymoon just over 10 years ago. We covered Disney to our satisfaction.

He stated he was good for a lifetime.

Then Caitlyn.

We were still in the hospital when he looked at our little bundle and said, “I could go back to Disney [with her].”

And maybe some day we will. Maybe we won’t. It may be one of those things we have to give up to have me homeschooling our girls. And I know they will be fine if we never step foot in the Magic Kingdom.

Patrice came out today and asked “Can we go to Disney World for just one (pudgy finger and all) day?” My heart cracked. “Someday baby, hopefully someday.” And I started to feel bad for myself. And my girls.

Then my brain woke up a bit. I remembered our lesson from Bible today. We are studying Bangladesh right now. Bangladesh is considered the 196th poorest country (out of a list of 226) in the world. The people there aren’t looking for a trip to Disney or even a remodeled house–they are looking for a house and food and, you know, when they dream big, to go to the doctor when they need to. They are looking to fill their basic needs. As many of us are.

This isn’t one of those, wake up people and stop being so selfish, posts. It’s not. It’s just my thoughts today. Do I hope to take my girls to Disney some day? Absolutely. Sooner rather than later, I hope. I also hope to be able to help those whose needs are even greater than my own. Mine seem great, and in many ways are, but I want to give. I want to bless. I want to reach out. I want to support. So many people, so many places.

What is a Charitable project or organization that is near and dear to your heart?

Breathing Room

Posted on January 4, 2015 | 1 comment

My hubby has had some extra time off for the Christmas and New Year holidays. I can’t even tell you how nice that has been.

We’ve been giving the doctors newest medication regiment a go while he was here to oversee. Good thing. I slept, a lot! All night, most of the day. A lot.

I’ve gotten a lot of sleep, and so, by default, a great deal of time to myself.

Tonight is one of the planned days for me to have time at home while hubby takes kids to Bible club. I have cleaned the house a bit, thought through lesson plans (some, not enough) and taken some time to blog and dream.

And sit here wondering if I deserve this me time. I mean, I have been sleeping a lot. That’s some pretty solid me time if you ask just about anybody.

So do I deserve this time, or should I have spent it deep cleaning, digging into fantastic new teaching ideas and lessons.

I really don’t know…

Guess I went with a little bit of everything. As my dad used to say, “Jack of all trades, Master of none.”

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Where Is That Post?

Posted on December 23, 2014 | Leave a comment

I had this great post written in my head. I thought about writing some of it down. I just knew I would remember it.

Alas, it is gone.

I could tell you how I made dinner, but then I’d be taking credit from the drive-thru lady

Or wait, I could tell you how I spent joyful hours wrapping presents for Christmas. But there again, I abhor wrapping presents and I do a terrible job.

I could tell you about how for the last 4 years I have been thinking, how can people be depressed for months on end. Now I can tell you how the first three months of that on end goes. Rotten. Every day is too much work. Every day is too hard. Every day is too full of meds that don’t seem to work. Then I could apologize to anyone I have ever judged concerning their depression.

Then I could tell you about how my faith is making this such an easier road to bear and that I have figured out where my faith in God belongs in this quagmire. Then I could be branded with a scarlet L for LIAR.

I could tell you all these things, and more, but they weren’t the post I was going to write, so I’ll just bid you adieu.